2008-12-07 21:50:04

Bulletwitch (Xbox360)

I suspect I was recommended this title by my game recommendation squad because of the woman in the Catholic School Girl outfit on the back of the box. What I got was a bucket full of Goth Vomit. Let me set the story straight. My understanding of this game was it was an action adventure where you played a witch who road a broom that also doubled as a machine gun. The game premise screams bad B-Movie to get drunk and laugh at. But somehow the joke escaped me when played.

The game opened up on suburbia, where a couple of ghoulies are attacking some normies and the ghoulies are wearing the skin of normal humans as a hat. That made me smile a little since most people talk about wearing someones flesh as a hat, but few go the distance to actually do it. suddenly I show up, the ghoulies all act like they can take me out, but I end up racking my gigantic bullet broom, and I get to sweeping up the streets.

The game consists of Bulletwitch Alicia clacking around in her knee high spike heeled boots and too tight dress holding this super huge broomgun behind her. shooting ghoulies until she encounters a barrier, which is being held up by a giant floating brain with a little bitty body attached. You kill those to drop the barriers, and if you get to close they throw cars and shit at you, so you have to use the cannon mode of the broom to avoid the flying debris.

Now she has some things to help her in the process of killing Ghoulies and Giant Brains. First she has evasion moves which consist of her doing cartwheels ala Trinity in the Matrix, or sumersaults.These allow her to avoid all the nasty bullets heading her way most of the time. She's also a witch so of course there's spells. There's a barrier spell that builds a glowing brick wall to use as cover which performs poorly as it doesn't last long at all. Then there's a spell for helping injured humans by bleeding all over them like an Emo who has just slit their wrists. In fact, that's EXACTLY how she does it, she takes a knife to her wrist points it at her victim and blood shoots out shotgun style into the face of the victim. I just wish say "now you have hepetitis too!" when she does so, it'd be much more humorous. She also has the ability to throw roses which turn into pillars of spikes, shoot out a strong gust of wind to knock shit over, and call upon ravens to distract her enemies while she runs headlong into the battles.

In addition to her spells she also has her gunbroom, which can transform with a quick twirl across her wrist. It defaults to machine gun, but can also become a shotgun or a cannon. The cannon can be outfitted with Zoom to permit it to act like a sniper rifle.

All the puzzles I encountered were pretty generic and linear basically requiring me to go from place to place to shoot brains to unlock new areas of the map to shoot ghoulies in. Into the 2nd mission she meets up with the other protaganist Max Cougar. I mean seriously Max Cougar? what kind of name is that? anyway, he needs you to join up with him, which does give you access to a pretty cool aircraft scene where you have to fight while clacking your high heels across the top of the airplane in a completely unrealistic manner.

The game tells the tale of a group of developers who obviously spent too much time listening to Emo Music, reading Buffy the Vampire Hunter Comics and watching the Matrix while taking the time to create costumes for their whorish lead character so they have more wanking material. Also why the fuck do I have to reload a magic shotgun? it's fucking magic, have the clips be magically infinite as well thank you very much! This game gets a 2/10 for being utterly boring except for a handful of places with a pretty weak overall game interface. To be honest this hit Gamestops porch before I even had a chance to beat it simply because I lost interest in the product faster than people take down Halloween ornaments after Oct 31st.